In a previous post I wrote about how powerful our expectations are and that we all have expectations of everyone from ourselves, to others, to even God, Himself. In this post I will personalize this truth by sharing some of my expectations that have affected my relationships with others. Since this has to do with relationships, I have included it under the relational thread.
I do have to be careful not to expect too much of people. And it is especially easy for me to have unrealistic expectations of those closest to me on a daily basis, namely, Nicky and my two caregivers. They have become so good at anticipating my needs that I sometimes get frustrated when they don’t. I’ve had to learn the rather obvious lesson that they can’t read my mind. At these times I just need to remind myself how blessed I am to have people around me who care so much and who are willing to do whatever I need.
One particularly troublesome area is communication. As my speech has deteriorated and become softer, it has become more and more difficult for others to understand me, especially if there is any background noise. I’m learning to be more realistic about when to attempt to communicate with someone. And when someone doesn’t understand me despite my best efforts, I sometimes get frustrated—not so much with their inability to understand, but with my inability to communicate clearly. I try not to show my frustration because it usually makes them feel bad unnecessarily and only leads to more misunderstanding.
In reflecting on the responses of people around me, I can say that most people have far exceeded my expectations. Friends and especially family have been incredibly supportive of both Nicky and me in so many ways: emotionally, spiritually, financially. So much so that the local representative from the MND Association has been amazed and has asked if we’d mind if she focussed more on those who don’t have such a strong support system.
Two groups that have been very supportive are our church family and the school community. The leadership of the local church have been wonderful. Since my diagnosis they have been so understanding and sensitive to our needs. And the rest of the congregation have gone out of their way to help in any way they can. We have also received so much support from the staff and parents of the school where Nicky and I have served as Head of Student Affairs since 2004. But it has been the pupils that have continually exceeded our expectations. Rather than shying away and being uncomfortable around me, they have been eager to help me and have always treated me with respect and dignity.
I’ve tried hard not to allow unrealistic expectations to negatively affect my relationships. I don’t always succeed, but I am blessed to have people around me that are very gracious to me when I fail.
30 September 2009
13 September 2009
THE EMOTIONAL ASPECT – No. 9
In my last post I wrote about how powerful our expectations are and that we all have expectations of everyone from ourselves, to others, to even God, Himself. In the next few posts I will personalize this truth by sharing some of my expectations that have caused me some frustration and have affected my relationships with others and with God.
First, my expectations of myself… I’ve always been quite an active person. So having a disease that increasingly limits my physical abilities has been a challenge. At first I expected to be able to maintain my previous levels of involvement in our busy social life, church meetings and school activities. This resulted in me exhausting not only myself but also many of those around me, especially my wife. This finally drove home to me the fact that my expectations of myself and Nicky had been unrealistic.
After many efforts to carry on keeping life as ‘normal’ as possible, Nicky and I decided to stay in on weeknights and to limit ourselves to only one social engagement per weekend, preferably during the day. Late nights are not very kind to my body, especially when we need to be up at 6:00 a.m. for school during the week.
We’ve also had to make some difficult choices regarding our involvement in church activities. After consulting with the leadership of the church, we stepped down from leading our homecell group on Tuesday evenings and now only attend homecell meetings if we or our neighbours are hosting the meeting. In addition, we’ve had to choose to skip most of the Sunday evening prayer meetings, not because they’re not vitally important, but because it makes for a very long day at the beginning of the week.
Finally, I’ve also had to shift my expectations of my body. The progressive nature of this disease means that things I used to be able to do easily are now much more difficult if not impossible to do. This translates into having to constantly having to shift my expectations of my body. To further complicate matters, my physical strength also varies with my degree of tiredness, the time of day and my ability to take in enough fluids.
Shifting my expectations of myself and my body has helped to reduce my level of frustration at the things I can no longer do, and has helped me in my efforts to remain focused on the things I can still do. In my next post I will explore my expectations of others and how they have affected my relationships with them.
First, my expectations of myself… I’ve always been quite an active person. So having a disease that increasingly limits my physical abilities has been a challenge. At first I expected to be able to maintain my previous levels of involvement in our busy social life, church meetings and school activities. This resulted in me exhausting not only myself but also many of those around me, especially my wife. This finally drove home to me the fact that my expectations of myself and Nicky had been unrealistic.
After many efforts to carry on keeping life as ‘normal’ as possible, Nicky and I decided to stay in on weeknights and to limit ourselves to only one social engagement per weekend, preferably during the day. Late nights are not very kind to my body, especially when we need to be up at 6:00 a.m. for school during the week.
We’ve also had to make some difficult choices regarding our involvement in church activities. After consulting with the leadership of the church, we stepped down from leading our homecell group on Tuesday evenings and now only attend homecell meetings if we or our neighbours are hosting the meeting. In addition, we’ve had to choose to skip most of the Sunday evening prayer meetings, not because they’re not vitally important, but because it makes for a very long day at the beginning of the week.
Finally, I’ve also had to shift my expectations of my body. The progressive nature of this disease means that things I used to be able to do easily are now much more difficult if not impossible to do. This translates into having to constantly having to shift my expectations of my body. To further complicate matters, my physical strength also varies with my degree of tiredness, the time of day and my ability to take in enough fluids.
Shifting my expectations of myself and my body has helped to reduce my level of frustration at the things I can no longer do, and has helped me in my efforts to remain focused on the things I can still do. In my next post I will explore my expectations of others and how they have affected my relationships with them.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)