I want to continue documenting some of the incidents in which God has guided us, provided for us and spoken to us since my diagnosis. This week, I’m going to risk sharing something that I have felt in my heart for some time now but have never attempted to verbalise. My desire to do so now was prompted by a comment made by one of Nicky’s cousins last week at a family gathering.
I share this in humility to make a point. Nicky’s cousin said something to the effect of, “I just don’t understand why God would allow something like this to happen to someone who is serving Him and doing so much good.” I appreciate her compliment, and understand her argument. I think it comes down to the much-asked question, “How can a good God allow His people to suffer?”
Many books have been written on this subject, and I’m not going to attempt to condense them all into one blog post. However, as I wrote earlier, I do want to present a personal perspective on this question.
My perspective comes from the stories of Joe and Job. In the account of Jesus healing the man born blind, we are not told the name of man who was healed. He was just your average ‘Joe’ trying to make it in spite of some difficult circumstances. Like Nicky’s cousin, Jesus’ disciples had the mindset that bad things should only happen to bad people, so they asked, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Job had the same experience when his friends insisted that he must have done something wrong to deserve all his tragedy.
Jesus’ reply to His disciples reveals a different perspective. He said, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.” Looking at this reply from the old perspective, one would think it cruel of God to allow this man to suffer so many years of blindness. But look with me from the new perspective and think, “What an honour God bestowed upon this young man, that he would become the vehicle through which God would accomplish some very important purposes—important enough to be recorded in John’s Gospel!”
I believe that some of God’s purposes could only be accomplished by someone with my unique set of experiences, circumstances and gifts. The same is true of everyone. Now here comes the risky part: I genuinely feel honoured that God has chosen me to be the one through which He is accomplishing those purposes.
God has already accomplished so much through my illness that even if He doesn’t heal me, it will have been worth it. But I believe He will heal me—not because I’m a ‘good’ person, but to accomplish more of His purposes in and through me. That’s why I now pray more for the time after I am healed than for healing itself.
28 February 2009
24 February 2009
THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 5
I’ve often written about how God has guided us, provided for us and spoken to us since my diagnosis in July 2006. In the next several posts I want to document some of these incidents. I trust that these accounts will prove to be encouraging for you to read. I also anticipate that it will be a very valuable exercise for me to review all the evidence of God’s hand on us throughout this time.
No series of events is more indicative of God intervening in our circumstances than the story of how we have been able to remain living in the flat where we have lived since 1997. Soon after I was diagnosed, Nicky and I began to plan ahead based on a quite bleak prognosis. One of the first things we had to consider was where we would live. Staying where we were, on the third floor of a block of flats with no lift (elevator, for the American readers), just wasn’t an option. So we began looking around for alternatives.
After looking at several places, none of which were suitable, we started feeling a bit discouraged. One particularly unsuccessful afternoon, we decided to call it a day and take in a movie. Nicky agreed to see ‘Superman Returns with me (a real labour of love!), so we bought our tickets, grabbed some popcorn and settled into our seats. It didn’t take long for Nicky to lose interest in the movie (I can’t imagine why), so she started a conversation with God. It went something like this:
Nicky: “Come on, Lord! Please help us find the right place to stay. We’ve looked at so many, and nothing has been suitable.”
God: “But I never told you to move.”
Nicky: “Okay, but in order to stay where we are, we’d have to have a lift installed, and that’s impossible!”
God: “Mmmm…”
When we got home, Nicky told me about what God had said, and the next day we started investigating. I had always known that there was an unused lift shaft next to the stairway in our building, but no one seemed to know why the lift was never installed. The existing shaft was a huge blessing, but in our investigation we also discovered that the total cost of installation would be around R300,000 (about US$40,000)., and that before installation could begin, we would need the approval of the owners of all 30 sectional title apartments.
Nicky and I began visiting all of the owners one-by-one, asking for their signature on two separate letters, one saying simply that they were in favour of installing a lift in the complex, the other dealing with the financial matters associated with the installation. God’s favour was on us as all 30 owners gave their approval for the lift to be installed, and all but one owner agreed to contribute the necessary funds according to the financial plan we presented. In addition we later received a donation to cover the full amount outstanding due to the one owner who had declined to contribute.
In May of 2007, 10 months after “Superman Returns” and right at the point where it was becoming impossible for me to climb the stairs, we took our first ride in the new lift! God is indeed good!
No series of events is more indicative of God intervening in our circumstances than the story of how we have been able to remain living in the flat where we have lived since 1997. Soon after I was diagnosed, Nicky and I began to plan ahead based on a quite bleak prognosis. One of the first things we had to consider was where we would live. Staying where we were, on the third floor of a block of flats with no lift (elevator, for the American readers), just wasn’t an option. So we began looking around for alternatives.
After looking at several places, none of which were suitable, we started feeling a bit discouraged. One particularly unsuccessful afternoon, we decided to call it a day and take in a movie. Nicky agreed to see ‘Superman Returns with me (a real labour of love!), so we bought our tickets, grabbed some popcorn and settled into our seats. It didn’t take long for Nicky to lose interest in the movie (I can’t imagine why), so she started a conversation with God. It went something like this:
Nicky: “Come on, Lord! Please help us find the right place to stay. We’ve looked at so many, and nothing has been suitable.”
God: “But I never told you to move.”
Nicky: “Okay, but in order to stay where we are, we’d have to have a lift installed, and that’s impossible!”
God: “Mmmm…”
When we got home, Nicky told me about what God had said, and the next day we started investigating. I had always known that there was an unused lift shaft next to the stairway in our building, but no one seemed to know why the lift was never installed. The existing shaft was a huge blessing, but in our investigation we also discovered that the total cost of installation would be around R300,000 (about US$40,000)., and that before installation could begin, we would need the approval of the owners of all 30 sectional title apartments.
Nicky and I began visiting all of the owners one-by-one, asking for their signature on two separate letters, one saying simply that they were in favour of installing a lift in the complex, the other dealing with the financial matters associated with the installation. God’s favour was on us as all 30 owners gave their approval for the lift to be installed, and all but one owner agreed to contribute the necessary funds according to the financial plan we presented. In addition we later received a donation to cover the full amount outstanding due to the one owner who had declined to contribute.
In May of 2007, 10 months after “Superman Returns” and right at the point where it was becoming impossible for me to climb the stairs, we took our first ride in the new lift! God is indeed good!
17 February 2009
THE EMOTIONAL ASPECT – No. 4
We all have preferences. And we all have a range of ways in which we express those preferences. When people feel very strongly about their preferences, we call them insistent, and in extreme cases, dogmatic control freaks. When people do not express their preferences very strongly, we say that they are easy-going, and in extreme cases, label them as doormats.
I think I’ve become more insistent about those preferences over which I still have some degree of control. But as I have become more dependent upon others for basic functions, I have, out of necessity, become more easy-going in those areas. I prefer showering to bathing. I prefer my clothes cupboard to be arranged a certain way. I prefer my hair and nails to be done a certain way. The list goes on. All of these are preferences of which I’ve relinquished control.
I believe that one of the reasons some people in similar circumstances become angry and bitter is that they don’t release those preferences and instead become more dogmatic about them. This is an understandable reaction to the feeling that one is losing control, but is also detrimental to oneself and to others.
On the contrary, a vast majority of the people that I have encountered in similar circumstances to my own display a remarkable degree of peace. I believe one of the keys to this is the ability to release the preferences that are actually not very important.
Finally, I want to emphasize that God’s grace is a huge factor in being able to cope with releasing these preferences. Without His supernatural help, I don’t think I’d be able to do it, and I certainly wouldn’t have the peace of mind and heart that I have now.
I think I’ve become more insistent about those preferences over which I still have some degree of control. But as I have become more dependent upon others for basic functions, I have, out of necessity, become more easy-going in those areas. I prefer showering to bathing. I prefer my clothes cupboard to be arranged a certain way. I prefer my hair and nails to be done a certain way. The list goes on. All of these are preferences of which I’ve relinquished control.
I believe that one of the reasons some people in similar circumstances become angry and bitter is that they don’t release those preferences and instead become more dogmatic about them. This is an understandable reaction to the feeling that one is losing control, but is also detrimental to oneself and to others.
On the contrary, a vast majority of the people that I have encountered in similar circumstances to my own display a remarkable degree of peace. I believe one of the keys to this is the ability to release the preferences that are actually not very important.
Finally, I want to emphasize that God’s grace is a huge factor in being able to cope with releasing these preferences. Without His supernatural help, I don’t think I’d be able to do it, and I certainly wouldn’t have the peace of mind and heart that I have now.
18 January 2009
THE EMOTIONAL ASPECT – No. 3
Part of coping emotionally with this (or any) disease is the ability to maintain and enjoy a sense of humour. Being able to see the funny side of things helps to offset and interrupt the heaviness that can rear its head now and again.
We have laughed often at ourselves and have built a large collection of happy memories and humorous moments upon which to draw when necessary. I will relate two of them here that have to do with the deterioration of my voice.
The first happened just over a year after my diagnosis. My speech had slowed down quite a bit, but people were able to understand me easily. Easily enough that I was asked by the leader of our church to preach one Sunday. I enjoyed the preparation immensely and felt that God had given a message for the church. But I had a problem. How could I put people at ease when they could see the effort it took for me to speak? In other words, how could I ensure that my voice wasn’t a distraction from the message I wanted to get across?
God gave me the answer as I was going over my sermon the day before. The next morning I introduced my sermon by saying, “You will notice that this disease has affected my voice causing me to speak quite slowly. As a result, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good is for those of you taking notes of the message this morning: You should have no problem keeping up! The bad news for all of us is that we may finish just in time for the evening prayer meeting!” The ice was broken, and the sermon went well.
The second incident involved Nicky’s uncle and a few other family members and friends. It took place about two years after my diagnosis when my speech had become increasingly difficult to understand. We were all sitting in our flat after lunch when the conversation somehow turned to Sylvester Stallone and his performances in the Rocky movies. Responding to a comment on Stallone’s dialogue in these movies, Nicky’s uncle suggested that I could do as well in that role. On cue, I let rip with the trademark line, “Adrian!” When we finished laughing, all agreed that it had been a near-perfect impersonation!
We have laughed often at ourselves and have built a large collection of happy memories and humorous moments upon which to draw when necessary. I will relate two of them here that have to do with the deterioration of my voice.
The first happened just over a year after my diagnosis. My speech had slowed down quite a bit, but people were able to understand me easily. Easily enough that I was asked by the leader of our church to preach one Sunday. I enjoyed the preparation immensely and felt that God had given a message for the church. But I had a problem. How could I put people at ease when they could see the effort it took for me to speak? In other words, how could I ensure that my voice wasn’t a distraction from the message I wanted to get across?
God gave me the answer as I was going over my sermon the day before. The next morning I introduced my sermon by saying, “You will notice that this disease has affected my voice causing me to speak quite slowly. As a result, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. The good is for those of you taking notes of the message this morning: You should have no problem keeping up! The bad news for all of us is that we may finish just in time for the evening prayer meeting!” The ice was broken, and the sermon went well.
The second incident involved Nicky’s uncle and a few other family members and friends. It took place about two years after my diagnosis when my speech had become increasingly difficult to understand. We were all sitting in our flat after lunch when the conversation somehow turned to Sylvester Stallone and his performances in the Rocky movies. Responding to a comment on Stallone’s dialogue in these movies, Nicky’s uncle suggested that I could do as well in that role. On cue, I let rip with the trademark line, “Adrian!” When we finished laughing, all agreed that it had been a near-perfect impersonation!
21 December 2008
THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 4
A few months ago, I reached possibly the most significant spiritual milestone so far in this journey. It’s a milestone which incorporates each of the other aspects (physical, emotional and relational) as well. And it changed my entire outlook on the circumstances that I’m facing.
In order to set the stage, I need to revisit my initial reaction upon receiving the diagnosis with MND/ALS. Nicky and I knew from the beginning that God was in control, and have trusted Him to carry us through this. We have always believed that God has many purposes that He is accomplishing through our circumstances—purposes both in our lives and in the lives of others.
But underlying all of this was the question of whether I believed God would heal me of this disease. There was no doubt in my mind that He was able to heal me—but would He? From a personal perspective, I was content with the fact that God was in control and His will would be done. I had surrendered to whatever outcome would be most favourable for God’s Kingdom to be furthered.
Added to the mix was the fact that several years earlier we had asked for healing for Nicky’s mother from cancer, but she continued to worsen and passed away two years later. As I once heard author Adrian Plass say, “We know two things about God: We know that He heals, and we know that sometimes He doesn’t heal.” God knew my need for healing, and I didn’t feel the necessity to do anything beyond trusting Him for the grace to live each day for Him.
Then one Sunday in a meeting of our local church during the sermon, God changed my whole perspective on healing. Not that my perspective had been wrong—just incomplete.
The elder preaching that morning pointed to various passages from the Bible that indicated God does not primarily respond to need. He responds to faith. There are exceptions to this, but none that are similar to my specific situation. This challenged me to consider that maybe it wasn’t enough just to rest in the fact that God knew my circumstances and my need for healing.
From that day to the present, I have been stirring my faith for healing by going to God’s Word, the Bible. He has often led me to specific passages that have built my expectation that I will experience healing this side of eternity.
Yes, it’s possible that I won’t be healed while on this earth. I don’t think that having faith for healing means I cannot acknowledge this possibility. I do think that having faith for healing is more about how I live and the choices I make each day. So while we are waiting, I choose to focus on accomplishing the work He’s called me to do, and on preparing for the radical changes to our lives that will result from receiving a miracle.
In order to set the stage, I need to revisit my initial reaction upon receiving the diagnosis with MND/ALS. Nicky and I knew from the beginning that God was in control, and have trusted Him to carry us through this. We have always believed that God has many purposes that He is accomplishing through our circumstances—purposes both in our lives and in the lives of others.
But underlying all of this was the question of whether I believed God would heal me of this disease. There was no doubt in my mind that He was able to heal me—but would He? From a personal perspective, I was content with the fact that God was in control and His will would be done. I had surrendered to whatever outcome would be most favourable for God’s Kingdom to be furthered.
Added to the mix was the fact that several years earlier we had asked for healing for Nicky’s mother from cancer, but she continued to worsen and passed away two years later. As I once heard author Adrian Plass say, “We know two things about God: We know that He heals, and we know that sometimes He doesn’t heal.” God knew my need for healing, and I didn’t feel the necessity to do anything beyond trusting Him for the grace to live each day for Him.
Then one Sunday in a meeting of our local church during the sermon, God changed my whole perspective on healing. Not that my perspective had been wrong—just incomplete.
The elder preaching that morning pointed to various passages from the Bible that indicated God does not primarily respond to need. He responds to faith. There are exceptions to this, but none that are similar to my specific situation. This challenged me to consider that maybe it wasn’t enough just to rest in the fact that God knew my circumstances and my need for healing.
From that day to the present, I have been stirring my faith for healing by going to God’s Word, the Bible. He has often led me to specific passages that have built my expectation that I will experience healing this side of eternity.
Yes, it’s possible that I won’t be healed while on this earth. I don’t think that having faith for healing means I cannot acknowledge this possibility. I do think that having faith for healing is more about how I live and the choices I make each day. So while we are waiting, I choose to focus on accomplishing the work He’s called me to do, and on preparing for the radical changes to our lives that will result from receiving a miracle.
17 December 2008
THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 3 - response
As an addition to my last post I include the following excerpt from an email response I have subsequently received. I trust you will find it as helpful as I did.
“If you read the account of Gods provision of Manna in Exodus 16 there is a verse that says, ‘Those who gathered much did not have too much and those who gathered little did not have to little. I get the impression that when the manna fell it did not cover the ground evenly. Thousands and thousands of people trying to gather, it was probably easier for some than for others and so some were able to gather more than others depending on where they found themselves. There was however this amazing grace factor that everyone had enough providing they had gathered. I think it is a picture of our devotional lives and manna is the substance that feeds our spirits. There are times when life does not afford us the time to gather easily but when we are faithful the little is not too little.”
“If you read the account of Gods provision of Manna in Exodus 16 there is a verse that says, ‘Those who gathered much did not have too much and those who gathered little did not have to little. I get the impression that when the manna fell it did not cover the ground evenly. Thousands and thousands of people trying to gather, it was probably easier for some than for others and so some were able to gather more than others depending on where they found themselves. There was however this amazing grace factor that everyone had enough providing they had gathered. I think it is a picture of our devotional lives and manna is the substance that feeds our spirits. There are times when life does not afford us the time to gather easily but when we are faithful the little is not too little.”
12 December 2008
THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 3
Another spiritual milestone that I’ve reached related to my growing physical challenges involves time. Before my diagnosis, I was pretty regular in spending time in prayer and Bible study. Early on I was able to maintain that regularity. As the disease progressed, however, more and more of my time in the day was taken up with practical things which took much longer to complete than before. The result was that my devotional time was squeezed out.
As I began spending less time in personal devotions, I also began feeling quite guilty about it. I spoke about it to one of the elders in our local church, and his counsel was that in God’s grace He sometimes will do more with less. I could see this working out in my life, but I still had a nagging feeling in my heart that I should still be trying to spend an hour every day like I used to do.
The breakthrough came when I heard a quote from a well-known Christian saying something like, ”Rarely do I spend a full hour a day in prayer. But rarely does an hour go by in a day that I don’t spend at least 10 minutes in prayer.” I don’t claim to that constant, but I do agree with the principle that I need to be aware of God’s presence, and my dependence on Him, throughout the day.
I have many 10-15 minute time slots available to me every day. In the early morning when I’m waiting for help to get out of bed; at mealtimes while I’m being fed; each afternoon while I’m receiving a circulation-boosting massage; and at night before I go to sleep I can use the time productively by praying or thinking about a Bible passage that I’ve read.
Nicky once asked me if I’m ever fearful. I can’t say I never get apprehensive about what may lie ahead, but my honest answer now is that most of the time I feel God so near that I can’t be afraid.
As I began spending less time in personal devotions, I also began feeling quite guilty about it. I spoke about it to one of the elders in our local church, and his counsel was that in God’s grace He sometimes will do more with less. I could see this working out in my life, but I still had a nagging feeling in my heart that I should still be trying to spend an hour every day like I used to do.
The breakthrough came when I heard a quote from a well-known Christian saying something like, ”Rarely do I spend a full hour a day in prayer. But rarely does an hour go by in a day that I don’t spend at least 10 minutes in prayer.” I don’t claim to that constant, but I do agree with the principle that I need to be aware of God’s presence, and my dependence on Him, throughout the day.
I have many 10-15 minute time slots available to me every day. In the early morning when I’m waiting for help to get out of bed; at mealtimes while I’m being fed; each afternoon while I’m receiving a circulation-boosting massage; and at night before I go to sleep I can use the time productively by praying or thinking about a Bible passage that I’ve read.
Nicky once asked me if I’m ever fearful. I can’t say I never get apprehensive about what may lie ahead, but my honest answer now is that most of the time I feel God so near that I can’t be afraid.
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