THE EMOTIONAL ASPECT – No. 8

I wrote some time ago about preferences and how as I have become more dependent upon others for basic functions, I have, out of necessity, relinquished control over those areas. I also wrote that a vast majority of the people that I have encountered in similar circumstances to my own display a remarkable degree of peace. I believe one of the keys to this is the ability to release the preferences that are actually not very important.

In this post I want to write about something else that plays a huge role in determining our level of inner peace and contentment. It governs, to a large extent, the quality of our relationships. And it’s not something about which we often think or of which we are even consciously aware. It is an expectation. More accurately, it is the numerous sets of expectations we have of everyone from ourselves to other drivers on the road to even God, Himself. An expectation is what we anticipate that we should observe or experience in a specific situation at a specific time.

Let me prove to you how powerful our expectations are. All is well as long as our expectations are being met. Now, think of the last time you were really proud of or impressed with someone. Chances are that it was because they exceeded your expectations in some way. On the contrary, think of the last time you were really disappointed by or frustrated with someone. It may have been something they said or did that upset you, or maybe they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and bore the brunt of the bad day you were having! In any case, I can virtually guarantee that behind the emotions were one or more unmet expectations.

So what actually happens when our expectations are not met? We become discontent, and relationships break down. Several years ago, a good friend and mentor warned me against the downward spiral of “Dis’s”… Unmet expectations lead to Disappointment. Many Disappointments lead to Discouragement. And continued Discouragement leads to Disillusionment.

How do we avoid this destructive cycle? The key is in how we manage our expectations. As soon as we begin to feel frustration, we must stop and identify which of our expectations has not been met. Then we need to ask ourselves some probing questions… Are my expectations realistic? Does the other party know that this is what I expect of them? (If I haven’t clearly and specifically communicated my expectations, how can I expect others to meet them?)

Unrealistic expectations may be too high or to low. If they are too high, they will never be met and will result in constant frustration. If they are too low, we end up always anticipating the worst, becoming pessimistic and cynical. I have to be especially careful to make sure my expectations of myself and of others are realistic. In my next post I’ll write more specifically about how I’ve had to manage my expectations.