THE RELATIONAL ASPECT – No. 08

Probably the most frustrating thing I am dealing with currently is the further deterioration of my voice. When I last discussed my ability to communicate back in September of 2008, I wrote, “At the moment I can still communicate with my voice, but it requires a lot of effort and at times it is hard for people to understand me. My voice is quite soft and gets tired quickly. And if there is much background noise, it is very difficult for me to be heard…. I really don’t mind repeating myself. Most of the time I’m able to get my message across eventually!”

Since then my voice has decreased in both volume and clarity to the point that most people are unable to understand anything I say. Even those closest to me, Nicky and my two caregivers, often struggle to understand me. The reason for this is three-fold: First, my diaphragm is no longer able to force air strongly over my vocal chords. Second, the muscles that control my vocal chords have weakened to the point that it takes more air to make them vibrate. And third, my tongue and lips are also not as cooperative as they used to be!

Sometimes I have to resort to spelling words that are difficult for me to say, but some consonants are also hard for me to pronounce. The letter “K”, for example, is almost impossible for me. Ironic when you consider that the three people with whom I need to communicate the most are my wife, NicKy, and my two caregivers, KasKile and KiKa!

The result of all this is that I don’t even try to speak much at all any more. And when I do attempt to communicate with my voice, it is with a very limited vocabulary of familiar words. This is the frustrating part. There are things I’d like to say; jokes I’d like tell; and comments I’d like to make, but often by the time I spell or type them out, the moment and relevance has passed.

However, I am very grateful that I can still communicate via my computer with email, cellular phone texting, or using a monitor attached to my laptop. I’ve also almost finished devising a system for me to spell words using my eyes in situations when I am away from my computer. I’m also grateful I am not Greek like my wife—they can’t talk without using their hands!