THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 10

A while ago I started documenting some of the incidents of how God has guided us, provided for us and spoken to us since my diagnosis in July 2006. I want to culminate this process by detailing what God has said about healing and why I am convinced that He is indeed going to heal me of ALS/MND. This journey begins all the way back on the day I was diagnosed and continues right up to last week.

In July of 2006, I heard for the first time from the neurologist that, after extensive tests, his diagnosis was MND/ALS. His exact words to me were, “Don’t delay, get your house in order.” Later that week, after obtaining a second opinion that confirmed the diagnosis, we met with the leaders of our church to fill them in. Obviously they were all shocked by the news, but one long-time and special friend was particularly devastated. He went straight home to cry out to God on my behalf. After a long time of prayer and weeping, he felt God lead him to a passage from the Bible in 2 Kings chapter 20…
1In those days Hezekiah was sick and near death. And Isaiah the prophet, the son of Amoz, went to him and said to him, “Thus says the LORD: ‘Set your house in order, for you shall die, and not live.’” 2Then he turned his face toward the wall, and prayed to the LORD, saying, 3“Remember now, O LORD, I pray, how I have walked before You in truth and with a loyal heart, and have done what was good in Your sight.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly. 4And it happened, before Isaiah had gone out into the middle court, that the word of the LORD came to him, saying, 5“Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD.
I hadn’t told them what the neurologist had said, so the fact that God had led him to a passage using the same words was significant. This was the first indication from God of His intention to heal.

Nicky also felt that God has told her that He is going to heal me. In typical fashion, it came about in a conversation she had with God shortly after I was diagnosed. We were on our way for a week’s break in the Midlands. I was still able to drive and Nicky was praying (No, not because of my driving!). She looked over at my hands on the steering wheel and noticed again how the muscles had atrophied. She then began a new monologue that went something like this… “God, how can you watch this happening to Bob and not intervene? But then again, you had to watch much worse things happen to your Son without intervening.” At this point God interrupted with the words, “But I’m going to heal Bob.” From that day, she has never doubted that healing is coming (although she has at times wondered why it’s taking so long!).

I’ve already written about the fact that God has led three independent people at different times to read Psalm 118 to me. The key verses say…
17 I shall not die, but live, And declare the works of the LORD.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely, But He has not given me over to death.

I’ve also written about the special events that have left me even more convinced that the healing will happen. Following is a summary of what I’ve come away with from those experiences …

I was stirred out of what had become a resignation to a seemingly inevitable process of degeneration.

I experienced a greater outpouring of love from God and His people than I ever thought possible.

I was inspired by the faith of those who are praying tirelessly for my healing.

I have been blown away by the love and compassion of so many people who are so desperate to see me healed and restored.

I am convinced that this illness is as much a test of the faith of our church (and the many other people praying for me) as it is a test of my faith.

I believe that every time an individual or a group prays for me, the healing is one step closer; but I also believe that the healing will be a spontaneous event not taking place amidst a lot of hype and fanfare.

It has reinforced my conviction not to look to any individual as the source of healing, but only to God.

It has made me even more determined to seek the Giver as well as His gift of healing.

And I became more certain than ever that God is going to heal me on this side of eternity!

Finally, and most recently, God has confirmed His intentions once again last week. After having two difficult weeks health-wise, including spending my first ever night in a hospital, I was feeling a bit low. Early last week I found that my faith for healing was beginning to waver. By Wednesday I was asking God to help me regain the strong level of faith for healing that I once had. Then on Friday two independent people made a point of coming to me individually and telling me how certain they each were that God would heal me of this disease. Message received!

I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord!

THE RELATIONAL ASPECT – No. 06

I’m going to continue down the same detour I’ve been following and honour two more people… Kaskile and Kika, my caregivers. Both of these men are committed Christians, and both are so valuable to us.

Kaskile has been with us since July of 2008 and has become like one of the family. He is a very skilled person and is confident and professional in his approach. He also has a great sense of humour and a broad smile that lights up his face. Nicky often hears us laughing and just has to come to find out what is so funny.

Kaskile generally works day shift and comes to work with us every day. He is quite literally my right-hand man. (and my left-hand man!) And he’s become very popular with the staff and the pupils at the school.

Kika works night shift, taking over at 5:00 pm. Although not as qualified as Kaskile, he is eager to learn and takes his work very seriously.

There is virtually nothing either of these two men wouldn’t do for me. I rely on them both in almost everything I do. And the load it has taken off of Nicky is invaluable. Nicky and I have so much more quality time together now that I have 24/7 care.

THE RELATIONAL ASPECT – No. 5

I’m going to take another detour from the spiritual aspect thread I’ve been following and jump to the relational aspect. I want to honour my wife. I’m sure you can imagine how difficult the past three years have been for her. I’ve said from the beginning that this disease would be harder to watch than to go through.

Yes, she’s had her periods of meltdown—anyone in her situation would have. But one thing that has remained rock-solid has been her commitment to and love for me. That has helped me more than you can imagine. Having heard of so many spouses who couldn’t handle their partner’s circumstances and either physically or emotionally opted out, I am so blessed by God to have a wife who really meant, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health.”

We have often been described as a great ministry team, and we continue to be by God’s grace. Although now, Nicky has had the extra burden of compensating for the things I can no longer do. And doing a great job, I must say! For example, ‘we’ are preaching in our church on June 6th—sharing the prep, but she will do the speaking. Go team!

THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 9

I want to continue documenting some of the incidents of how God has guided us, provided for us and spoken to us since my diagnosis in July 2006. For all of our married life, Nicky and I have depended on God to provide for us financially in full-time ministry. He has done so faithfully through a variety of means, but primarily through the generosity of family and friends.

Since my diagnosis, our financial needs have increased significantly. To enable me to continue my work at the school, we had to purchase a motorised wheelchair. This enabled me to attend meetings, visit classrooms and interact with pupils. It also provided greater independence outside of school hours. We then needed a vehicle that was able to transport the wheelchair, which weighs around 90 kilograms. We were able to make these two purchases because of God’s provision through some very special people…

Nicky’s uncle, Eddie Eckstein, is the leader of a well-known band in South Africa called The Bats. Since my diagnosis, Eddie and the other members of the band had been offering to do a benefit concert for me. Now with these expenses looming before us, Nicky and I decided to take them up on their offer.

After much prayer and deliberation, we decided on a venue that could seat 950. And thanks to the hard work of some very dedicated friends and family members, we sold out! Many people who couldn’t be there on the night of the event gave a donation instead. That evening alone, we raised enough money to enable us to purchase the vehicle, and made a memory that I will never forget!

Thanks to the generosity of even more people, we have been able to purchase the motorised wheelchair, purchase the head mouse that enables me to use the computer, and afford having a caregiver 24/7. One friend heard about my need, immediately approached his Round Table branch and secured a sizable donation towards the wheelchair. Family members stepped in to cover the entire cost of the head mouse. Other friends heard that we were struggling to afford the caregiver and offered to cover as much of that expense as necessary each month.

As you can see, God has indeed worked through many sources to provide for our needs. And we are so grateful to Him and to all who have given so generously.

THE EMOTIONAL ASPECT – No. 5

I’m going to take a detour from the spiritual aspect thread I’ve been following and jump to the emotional aspect. This week I was writing to a friend who is also suffering from a debilitating illness. I found myself sharing quite vulnerably about two emotional traps that I have fallen into from time to time. As it could provide some insight for you into my thoughts, I will share an except from that letter…

‘I don’t know much about [your particular situation], but I do know something about having a debilitating illness. I will speak vulnerably now, and ask you to see if there might be some similarity with your situation.

‘There are two dangerous traps that I have to keep an eye out for constantly. And to be honest, I fall into both of them more often than I’d like to admit. The first trap is using my illness as an excuse not to do something that is difficult or that I don’t feel like doing. It’s a trap because it’s so easy to get away with and can so easily become a habit that I don’t consciously realise that I’m doing. It’s dangerous because it is manipulative of others and steals opportunities from me.

‘The second trap is even more subtle. It’s the enjoyment I get from all the attention I receive due to my illness. This attention comes in many forms: sympathy, admiration, respect, communication, etc. The attention isn’t a trap, but the enjoyment I get from it is because it fuels my ego and feeds my inherent need for acceptance and recognition. It’s dangerous because, unbelievable as it may sound, it provides a surprisingly strong motivation not to get well.’

I don’t for a moment think that everyone facing serious illness also struggles with these two emotional traps. But they are very real for me and, I suspect, more than a few others. The way I have found to deal effectively with these two traps is this: Prayer. Prayer reminds me that, as Rick Warren put it, “It’s not about me.” When I pray, things are put back into perspective. Selfish motives are exposed, I am reminded of the love and acceptance freely given by God, and my desire to serve Him (rather than self) is restored. What a powerful thing prayer is!

THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 8

As I wrote in my last post, I have written often about the fact that we believe God has said He is going to heal me of ALS/MND. I have often wondered when and where this healing may take place. Twice since my diagnosis we have had great expectations for receiving my healing at a specific event. The first took place about a year ago, and second happened recently. Having written about the first event in the previous post, I’ll now describe the details of the second event…

Our church often hosts leaders from other churches with whom we have a close relationship. One such leader was scheduled to visit recently. There was great anticipation among the members of the church, since this particular man is known to have been used often by God in the miraculous. The whole church fasted and prayed each Tuesday leading up to the weekend of his visit. Our faith was stirred, and we were all expectant of seeing God performing signs and wonders through His servant.

We had meetings on Sunday morning and evening, and we all experienced an almost tangible manifestation of the presence of God in both meetings. During the morning meeting he prayed for me, and then a group of people from our church gathered around me and continued praying prayers of faith for my healing. One man even brought his video recorder determined to capture my healing on video!

The group around me kept praying quite a long time. But despite our high level of faith, the healing didn’t take place.

Again, in this instance, a part of me was disappointed at not receiving my healing immediately, but at no point did I lose the hope of being healed. And again, I came away from this experience with many things:

• I am even more certain that God is going to heal me on this side of eternity!
• I have been blown away by the love and compassion of so many people who are so desperate to see me healed and restored.
• I am convinced that this illness is as much a test of the faith of our church (and the many other people praying for me) as it is a test of my faith.
• I believe that every time an individual or a group prays for me, the healing is one step closer; but I also believe that the healing will be a spontaneous event not taking place amidst a lot of hype and fanfare.
• It has reinforced my conviction not to look to any individual as the source of healing, but only to God.
• It has made me even more determined to seek the Giver as well as His gift of healing.

THE SPIRITUAL ASPECT – No. 7

I have written often about the fact that we believe God has said He is going to heal me of ALS/MND. I have often wondered when and where this healing may take place. Will it be with other people around, or when I am alone? Will it happen while Christian believers are laying on hands and praying for me, or will it be spontaneous? Will it take place at home, at school, during a church service, or will I need to travel somewhere else?

Twice since my diagnosis we have had great expectations for receiving my healing at a specific event. The first took place about a year ago, and second happened recently. Because of space, I will describe these two instances in two separate posts. Please bear with me as relate the details of the first event…

Almost since my initial diagnosis, people had been encouraging us to attend one of a certain pastor’s events. We had never felt comfortable with it until several members of the youth group in our church approached us saying that they wanted to take me to the upcoming event at a stadium in the area. They had prayed a lot about it and were full of faith. One of them had even had a dream in which she had seen me as I am on a Sunday morning and then completely restored that Sunday evening. We consulted the elders in our church, and they came back saying that if we felt it was right, they were with us. So we gathered a group to go with us, phoned to book our tickets and began waiting and praying.
A few days before the event, God took me back to Psalm 118, a passage I had received from three different sources soon after my diagnosis…
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The LORD’S right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD’S right hand is lifted high;
the LORD’S right hand has done mighty things!”
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
So our faith was high.

Friday came and we were very excited. We had tried to fetch the tickets on Thursday, but were told they were not available. So a friend set off early Friday morning to collect them from the stadium. The scene that greeted him was nothing short of chaos! It took Him until after 10 just to get parking. And before he got to the front of the line, it was around 12 and they were closing the gates and saying the stadium was filled to capacity! This news initially knocked the wind from my sails. But Nicky immediately suggested that, as everyone’s faith was stirred, we all join the youth group meeting that same night at the church building. I prayed about it, fighting confusion and disappointment. As I prayed, I was reminded of the lame man at the Pool of Bethesda who couldn’t get to where the action was, but received healing directly from Jesus where he was. That rekindled hope in me, and we made plans to meet with the youth that night.

Then… a phone call from one of the girls in the youth saying she was at the Stadium and that they were still letting people through the gates. So a quick bite to eat and back to plan A!
Until… another phone call from the same girl saying they had just closed the gates and were not letting any more people in. So, back to plan B!
And then… a phone call from a friend inside the Stadium saying people were still coming in!

At this point we were at our wits end. We know our God is not the author of confusion, and we recognised the attempts of the enemy to distract us. So the final decision was made—to go to the youth group meeting!

At 7:30 we gathered with the youth for a short time of teaching. The youth leader did a great job of setting the stage and stirring people’s faith without resorting to hyped up emotionalism. We began singing praises to God, and His presence filled the room. Then everyone began praying—next to me were two of the girls from the youth group who had really driven this from the beginning; the rest of the youth group in a circle around us; and several adults surrounding them. It was awesome, and I lost track of time completely. I only know that it was after 10 when we got in the car to come home.

Was I healed that night? Not immediately.
Was I disappointed? A part of me was, yes.
Do I regret not having made it to the stadium? Not a bit.
Did I lose hope? Absolutely NOT!!!

I came away from Friday night with many things:

• I was stirred out of what had become a resignation to a seemingly inevitable process of degeneration.
• I experienced a greater outpouring of love from God and His people than I ever thought possible.
• I was inspired by the faith of two young women.
• And I became more certain than ever that God is going to heal me on this side of eternity!